Un-slumping and Adoration

“We need a fresh outpouring”, sings one of my favorite Christian artists. Not that long ago she was singing “brace yourself because he is going to blow through this place”. Is the slump inevitable?

If you ever knew him, you know the adoration and acceptance in his eyes, the sweet comfort of his voice, the warmth of his embrace, the tingling power of his touch. And that “Wow” factor that you would do anything for. 

It made you soar in your darkest days. It restored your broken heart, again and again. It healed your body and let you know you were safe. He who was for you was stronger than anything against you. You were passionately and wildly in love. Not a cloud in the sky.

Slump

How did I get to this spot? I was soaring so high for so long. I thought it would never end. And then I flew smack into the highest building. There is only one place to go from there, down, down, down. Injured and with blood all over my face.

I had the best intentions. And yet a few stupid decisions later there I was in the gutter. And he was gone. Gone with his healing, his acceptance, his embrace, just when I needed him most. I could not find him no matter how hard I tried.

And life became grey. My smile was gone. It hurt, a lot.

Sure, I kept going through the motions. But inside I was dead. There was no life.

Yes, I know. He was there all the time. So they say. What does that even mean? If you can’t feel him, is he still there? If you walk around with a broken heart, what’s the point? A heart is the hardest thing to mend. It’s not like there is a magic pill you can take. Other than him.

Not that I was looking. I knew that he could not possibly take an interest in someone who messed up that bad. I was such a disappointment. Too much shame to even go to him. It does not matter what anyone says. My heart knew I was rejected. And there is no persuading your heart.

Do you know how long you can stay in that dark spot? Years. “Unslumping yourself is not easily done” as says Dr. Seuss.

New Dawn

And then one day I was exhausted enough to forgive myself. You see, I was my own harshest judge. Until I was ready to admit that I, too, am capable of making mistakes. And go back to him.

I was fortunate that I had received dozens of prophecies in the good years from fellow believers which I had studiously written word for word. I had also written down hundreds of pages of conversations I had with him. I like to do it that way. I type what I say and what he says while it is happening. I went back and read what he said to me 8 years ago, 4 years ago. It was all so relevant.

Maybe I am not a specially evil sinner. Maybe my mistakes were not so special that they were even beyond his power to heal and restore. Maybe I was just like any other human. Others make mistakes, too. Don’t they? I could ask.

What would he say? Would he even look at me?

He did. With those eyes that make you melt. “I missed you”, he said. “You have no idea how precious you are to me. It broke my heart to see you suffer. I so wanted to touch you and heal you, but you kept running away.”

I know. I was ashamed and a little afraid. And what about my stupidity?

“You think I was surprised? I always knew it was going to happen. And it did not bother me one bit, other than because it hurt you, and I don’t want anything to hurt you. And it made you walk away from me. And I am so happy you are back. So I can heal you again. Why did you wait so long?”

Because I am a filthy dirty sinner!

“That’s exactly the kind of humans I like”, he says. “Welcome, welcome, welcome”.

The “Wow” does not wear out. It gets smothered by guilt. You don’t need a “new outpouring”. There is nothing wrong with the old one.

You just need to appreciate that he “took away the sin of the world”. Eagerly, and long before you were born. And if you are “world”, your sin is gone, disappeared. All the sin of the past, present and future. Poof. Gone in a cloud of smoke. The ultimate magic act.

So you can experience Wow again.